Turning Thoughts Into Allies: A Guide to Externalizing Your Inner Dialogue

 Have you ever found yourself at an event or talking to people and suddenly overwhelmed by a flood of unhelpful thoughts?

I am willing to bet that most humans have experienced this at some point in their lifetime. Our thoughts tend to have underlying themes, which quickly become the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. Sometimes when we become overwhelmed by unhelpful thoughts, we try to push them away. Other times, we over-identify with these thoughts, perhaps ruminating on them more and more. Though the stories that we tell ourselves are powerful, we are in control of the narrative.

When we struggle with our thoughts or try to avoid them all together, they have a tendency to become louder and stronger. By giving a voice to our thoughts and acknowledging their presence, they lose their power over us. One way you can externalize your thoughts is by creating a name for them. Spend some time thinking about the unhelpful thoughts you have had over the last few days. Were any of them connected or rooted in a limiting story you have been telling yourself for some time?

Here is an example to make this concept more clear: Let’s say Jane is a recently single woman in her 30s. She recently broke up with her long-term partner of 10 years. Ever since the break-up, she has had repeated thoughts that she … has wasted her 20’s, is running out of time to find someone and start a family, and that all her relationships fail eventually.

Jane can externalize her thoughts by picturing her struggle as a person sitting in front of her and creating a persona or character for them. She might ask herself: What is their voice like? How do they speak to me? How do they make me feel? Are they forceful with me or do they creep up on me? She can take time to craft an image of this persona that represents the unhelpful story she has been telling herself. Then, she can select a name for this persona that feels authentic to her experience of them. For example – let’s say Jane decides to call her unhelpful persona, Bertha.

Next, Jane can reflect on how this struggle (Bertha) is impacting her life. Is Bertha affecting her relationships? Her sleep patterns? Her self-worth?

Once Jane has done this prep work – she can use the concept of Bertha anytime. For example:

Situation: Jane goes out to dinner with two of her friends and their respective partners. She is the only single individual at the dinner.

Thoughts: When am I going to find my person? I am never going to find anyone at this rate. I am running out of time to start a family. Maybe I am just better off alone and should just accept it now. All my relationships fail anyways.

Externalization: Jane internally says, “Oh, hello. There’s Bertha again with her unhelpful thoughts. She is telling me that it’s too late and I’ll never find my partner. She is so annoying. I hear you Bertha, and I am choosing not to listen to you. The story you are telling me is not my truth. I trust that I am on my own journey and things will unfold in the timing that is right for my life.”

By externalizing your thoughts, you regain control of the stories which dominate your life. This calls to attention any limiting beliefs and unhelpful thoughts which may be holding you back. By bringing them to attention, you take your power back and rewrite the story of your life.

© 2024. MindRise Psychology, Amanda Priest, M.S. All rights reserved.